Gobble, Gobble, Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving! We are heading over to my parents a bit later to see my Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis-in-law, and nephews. I am so excited! I love seeing my little nephews, they are just adorable.

I think this may be one of the shortest posts I've ever written. If you'd like to read a longer post, you can scroll down and read my last, very energetic post, 'Woo-hoo!'

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Laters!

Woo-hoo!!

I'm so rockin' out to Buckcherry's 'Next 2 You.' It's a great song, very lively. I'm in a fantastic mood today but that's probably cuz I'm in a manic cycle. Two nights this week I only slept a few hours, last night I slept more, but still woke up a bunch of times going, 'Is it time to get up yet?' I've been very irritable yet euphoric. And now I'm dancing at the keyboard, which is harder than it sounds. I should probably call my psychiatrist and let her know I'm manic again but to be quite honest I'm enjoying it at the moment so I'm not gonna. I can feel the energy coursing through my veins and it's quite exhilarating.

I feel like the Happy Bunny on acid.

I wrote a poem yesterday! Yay! I'm not getting too excited, cuz I've written a few poems here and there the last few months so I'm not saying my block is conquered but it felt damn good to write that poem. Actually I think I wrote 2 yesterday, the other one being about writer's block, but I haven't posted that one yet. Today is the Three Word Wednesday prompt so I'm hoping that stirs something within since I'll have the house to myself this afternoon I'll have plenty of time to write.

Sometimes I think it's the meds that make it hard for me to write. My writing comes from my emotions and when my meds are 'working' and I'm not feeling much of anything, I feel very barren inside and the words just won't come out. Sometimes I wish I could stop taking the pills, but me unmedicated is NOT a good thing. I end up in the psych ward way too much when I don't take my meds, and it's not pretty.

But then, on the other hand, I'm just not me when I'm not creating (ooh it's Marilyn Manson's 'Beautiful People' I love this song!) something. I love to write. No, love isn't a strong enough word, I adore it, it's my bliss. My ecstasy. My drug. My passion. Nirvana. There is nothing more satisfying than weaving the words together into a sublime creation. When I finish a poem, it's exhilarating and there is much rejoicing. Then of course, there's the devastating crash when you realize there's no more words left to put on the paper, your mind is empty, but if you're lucky that passes quickly and you're onto the next creation.

Oh I just want to run through the streets naked, dancing and singing, but that would be so scary illegal. I might actually have enough energy to overcome the pain and clean my house. Woo-hoo!

I am so excited, tomorrow I get to see my nephews. They are 2 years and 4 months old and they are the most adorable boys you will ever see. I love them so much and I can't wait to see them. Of course, I'm excited to see the rest of my family, but my nephews take first stage.

And before I go, leave you with this vid. It's not a great vid, it's just a pic of Buckcherry, but it's a great song!



Ok, I have a lotta comments to answer on my blogs, so I'm gonna get to that.

Laters!

Random Tuesday Excitement!

Oh yes, it is Tuesday again. Woo-hoo! Time for Random Tuesday Thoughts! The fact that I am so excited about this fact probably gives some indication of how much of a life I have (none), but that's ok, I'm excited anyway. If you want to get down with your randomness head over the Keely.

~Let's start with one of my favorite quotes on writing:

"Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum."

Graycie Harmon

~The last two nights I've woken up at 2 a.m. and have been unable to get back to sleep. Usually when I have insomnia I write, but with this writer's block that's not happening. *sigh*

~My kids call me the Human Radiator. I am never cold unless I am deathly ill. I open my window in the middle of winter, I hate having the heat on above 60 degrees and I don't wear a winter coat, I just wear a sweatshirt, even when it's 30 below zero. No, I am not going through menopause.

~I hate Classmates.com. They constantly send me emails saying, "Someone signed your guestbook, come see" but then you get there and they say, "Well, we're not gonna let you look unless you sell us your firstborn to purchase a membership." And then, if you do manage to scrape together the money, cuz you're just so curious and you just can't stand not knowing who signed your guestbook, it always ends up being the guy that sat in the back of the room in English and picked his nose and wiped it on the window or that girl that smelled so bad there was always a ten foot radius of empty space around her in which no one dared travel. I just don't pay for memberships there anymore. Come to think of it, there isn't one single person from my graduating class that I'd ever want to hear from again anyway.

~The writer's block has been so frustrating me it has been blocking me more. I'm trying to relax about it, it's always passed before, it will pass this time. Eventually. But probably not soon enough for me. Also, my Goddess Guide Me oracle told me to relax cuz there is a purpose behind this passive time. But I can't relax. It's too damn hard when all your molecules are vibrating at 50 times their normal speed and and your Monkey Mind is jumping around faster than a chimpanzee on crack.

~I try to meditate. All the time. My mind is so crazy out of control it just seems pointless. I think I need some meds for my ADHD but my psychiatrist doesn't want my anxiety to get worse. That and my resting heart rate is 140 and she doesn't want to increase that with a stimulant and give me a heart attack.

~I saw a bee the other day. In November. In Minnesota. It's supposed to be snowing right now and bees long since gone doing whatever it is that bees do in the winter which is not buzzing around my car scaring the crap out of me while I try to crank up my window as fast as I can without breaking my arm (am I the last person in the world to not have power windows??). This weather has to go. It's too warm. I definitely did not authorize this. Me and Mother Nature are gonna have a little chat.

~I love the color purple.

~I also love cranberries. Not the color, the food. My mom makes the best cranberries from a family recipe that's been passed down since at least my great grandmother. Since I'm a horrible cook I have no hope that I'll ever be able to make them as apparently they are very difficult to make.

~In the hopes that this block breaks soon I bought a writing journal yesterday. I plan to use it when I'm not at the computer and I (hopefully) get story or poem ideas. I also plan to write my favorite poem/story/novel excerpts in there. It's a nice leather bound journal with a light brown background, dark brown butterflies, and turquoise and white flowers on it. I love it.

~Right now my favorite poet/author is Dorothy Parker. I have The Portable Dorothy Parker and I love that too.

~I think when I'm done with the Dragonlance books I'm going to move on to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. I read the first one but not the rest. I don't know why I didn't read more, the first one was fantastic. I loved the movie too.

~And we will end with another quote on writing:

"For your born writer, nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon the right word."

Catherine Drinker Bowen

Well, that's all the random I got today. Happy Random Tuesday!

Laters!

Gratitude

Sprite's Keeper is doing a week of thanks over at the Spin Cycle so I thought I'd throw my gratitude into the ring. I'm not sure if you're supposed to post thanks every day, or just one post during the week, so I'm starting with this post and may add more if it's supposed to go all week. These are just a few of the things for which I'm thankful, in no particular order...

*Despite the fact that I'm disabled and cannot work right now I have every thing I need to provide for myself and my Drunken Midgets.

*I am thankful for my Drunken Midgets, more than words can say. They are beautiful, brilliant, funny, fun to be around and I love them so much, even when they are making me crazy.

*I am ever so thankful for my car. I live in a suburb where there's not much for bus service, and having a car here is a major necessity.

*I am thankful for my family, especially my two adorable nephews ages 2 years and 4 months.

*Also, I am thankful for all the help my parents offer me. I don't know how I would have made it this far without them.

*Ok, I just have to put this in here, I am thankful for Godsmack!! I love Godsmack!! Oh Sully!! I'm a dork, I know. I'm totally ok with that.

*My spirituality makes me incredibly thankful. I am grateful that I have wandered onto the Wiccan path and the comfort and strength it brings me is impossible to convey in mere words.

*All of our needs are met, and many of our wants. We never go with out and often have more than we need. That makes me incredibly thankful.

*I am thankful for my friends and bloggy buddies who always lift me up when I am down.

Have a great week all!

Laters!

Abyss of Despair and Sinking Boats

Lately I've been suffering from a crippling writer's block that has left me in an abyss of despair. Like Isaac Asimov says, "I write for the same reason I breathe; because if I didn't I would die," and right now I feel the skeletal fingers of death slowly strangling me. I've written nothing for months and months and months other than the occasional poem, lame as they have been, and it is killing me, sapping my soul of strength and vitality.

Tonight I awoke at 2:20, finding that in my sleep I had been desperately attempting to come up with poem or story ideas and the last words I remember upon awakening were, "You can do this, you're a writer damn it!" This block is haunting me even in my sleep and I'm praying it breaks soon and the words will once again flow or I fear I will slowly slip into an insanity so deep I may never find my way out.

As the frustration and feeling of impotence were so strong I did not even attempt sleep so I wrote a spell to hopefully regain my creativity and inspiration. I plan to do that soon. Hopefully I have a yellow candle (which is used for communication and writing is a form of communication). I'm not sure what oil with which to anoint it though. I'll have to look that up or else just go with my old stand-by, lavender. Out of all the oils I have I think it will be best.

In other news, I have to relate this conversation that I had with one of my Drunken Midgets at Bakers Square last night. She and I were both very tired and were having coffee. She was disappointed cuz even after she added cream and sugar it still tasted like coffee. So she was experimenting with different combinations of cream, Sweet n Low and sugar. She finally decided upon 2 creamers, 2 packets of sugar and a packet of Sweet n Low. This is our ensuing dialogue:

Me: Why 2 packets of sugar and one of Sweet n Low? Why not just 2 packets of Sweet n Low?

Drunken Midget: Because that's how I want it.

Me: Ok then, whatever floats your boat.

DM: I don't think sugar and Sweet n Low could float my boat. They're water soluble.

That's my Midget, ever the literal one, she is.

Well, it's 4:00 a.m. and I want to try to get some writing in so I plan to bang my head against the keyboard for an hour or so and see if that dislodges anything.

Laters!

Award Time!

Ok, it's time to hand out awards! I received this award from the Guys over at The Guys Perspective-thanks Guys!!

In accepting this award the idea is to hand it out to other bloggers. Apparently the number of said bloggers is 15, so I'll stick with that. Keep in mind these are in no particular order.

My Own Brand of Crazy

PJ's Prose

My So-Called Chaos

It's Serious This Time

From the Den of Dogman

A Nut in a Nutshell

Outnumbered Two to One

Momspective

Captain Dumbass

The World Through My Eyes

Kids and Daiquiris

Just Bloggled

Into my Insanity

Wizard of Otin

Our Simple Life

In addition to the award, it is Happy Hour Friday, a day to list all the things that make us happy!

Head over to Otin, the co-instigator of this phenomenon and check it out!

~Shopping for Christmas decorations makes me happy! Hell, shopping for anything-other than clothes and shoes-makes me happy!

~Pumpkin pie with whipped cream makes me really, really happy.

~Having my car back thrills me!

~The thought of getting a new car thrills me even more!

~Having both the Drunken Midgets in school makes me ecstatic. They've been sick so much this year, I really appreciate the days they are both in school.

~Getting blog awards makes me happy!

~Blogging makes me very happy-and keeps me (somewhat) sane.

~New jammies make me happy-and cozy.

~My new apple cinnamon potpourri makes me happy. Pretty much anything that smells good makes me happy.

~My new 2010 Happy Bunny calendar makes me happy-I adore the Happy Bunny!

~Fresh sheets make me happy. There's nothing like slipping into a bed nicely made with fresh sheets.

And that's my happy for today. Have a Happy Friday!

Laters!

A War Zone and Twilight Hysteria, or Lack Thereof

Thank you to everyone who left comments and well wishes concerning my migraine yesterday. It is much better today, thanks everyone.

In other news, I really don't think I'm going to survive the teen years. My 18 year old has been all hormonal, irritable, and weepy. No one can do anything right and she's constantly yelling at her sister and me when she isn't slamming doors or sobbing hysterically. I don't know if it's hormones or depression or being 18 or what. Combine that with a hormonal, irritable, ADHD, depressive 14 year old (and they share a room) and we're talking an series of explosions that rival Hiroshima. My house is a war zone and I think I'm about to become a casualty of war. I never know when I'm going to step on a land mine and blow myself to bits.

So that's fun. *insert sarcasm here*

There's nothing worse than having a ton of things to blog about then sitting down at the puter and have them all fly right out of your head. Then you just stare at the screen that mocks you for your inadequacy as you desperately try to remember what it is you were going to blog about.

Hmmmmm....

Oh, I know. My youngest forced asked me to watch Twilight with her the other day. I've been trying to avoid this cuz I'm just not interested in it but she held a gun to my head acted like I was rejecting her and everything she stood for in life by not watching it so I finally gave in. It was an ok movie, but I'm not hopping on the Twilight bandwagon or anything. It's a teen vampire romance and while I normally love all things vampire, no amount of undead shenanigans is going to take the teen romance (and all the ensuing drama) out of the equation. Plus Bella's whole, "I'll die without you Edward" is annoying and nauseating.

Not to mention that the vampires in Twilight sparkle in the sunlight. Sparkle. As far as I'm concerned, if a vampire doesn't burst into flames upon encountering sunlight like a respectable vampire should, he's not a true vampire. Dracula is the only one who can get away with that and he doesn't freaking sparkle in the sun.

Then we went to Wal Mart yesterday and my youngest was buying Twilight candy to take with her to the New Moon premiere (cuz she absolutely has to see it the second it hits the screen). So our cashier and the cashier one down from him started talking about Twilight. Our cashier didn't know much about it other than to know the movie was coming out, but the next one down had obviously read all the books and seen the first movie cuz he was all talking to my daughter about the characters and asking was she on Team Edward or Team Jacob (I think that was the name) and it was all rather creepy to have a grown man discussing Twilight with my 14 year-old. Maybe it's just me.

Ok, well, I got lots of stuff to do so I'm outta here.

Laters!

Back in the Saddle

Sally is back! And boy, is her engine purring. She sounds great and isn't making that whining noise anymore, you know, the one that I've been ignoring for 2 weeks I didn't notice until it was fixed. Ok, in all fairness to me, I thought I might have heard a weird noise, but it's an old car and makes all kinds of weird noises so I wasn't sure and then after it was fixed I was like, oh yeah, there really was a weird noise.

Of course, she was supposed to be back on Monday but the part was delayed and I was all nervous it wasn't going to arrive on time cuz I was going absolutely bat shit stir crazy by this time and had been out of food for 2 days, but I got a phone call and he said that the part had arrived...but it was the wrong part and it was going to take another day. AAAAAAAAARGH!

So, yesterday afternoon I received a phone call saying she was all done and I was so happy! But then I had to wait for my mom to get off work to give me a ride over there to pick her up, and by this time I was feeling very impatient, to put it mildly. But I was finally able to pick her up and I have never been so happy to get into my car in my life! And she drives great! I can't believe what a difference a new crank shaft pulley makes. I have no idea what a crank shaft pulley is or does, but I'm sure happy to have a new one!

Then I was able to run all my errands and get food and it was so nice. I was even happy to be out of the house for once instead of panicking and freaking out about it.

Let's just hope that this is the last repair poor Sally needs for a while. My mom was talking about helping me buy a new car if I make payments to them every month, but if they do that, my daughter wants Sally and I want Sally to run for her for a long time.

So yeah, that's what's been going on with me. And now, after going on about my car for a whole post, I'm outta here. I have a migraine and the words on the screen are starting to blur.

Laters!

P.S. How could I forget this little tidbit? The youngest Drunken Midget, all of her own volition, cleaned, scrubbed, mopped, and did all the dishes in the kitchen!! She even scraped (most of) the Fruity Pebbles off the tile (don't ask)! It is spotless!! I am so happy. I just wish I could sit in the kitchen all day cuz the rest of the house is still a mess. But, I'll take whatever cleanliness I can get!

Poor Sally

Yesterday I had the unmitigated pleasure of hopping into Sally (my car) only to have the power steering go out and the battery light come on. I was baffled by this as I know nothing about cars other than I'm not supposed to drive it when the 'idiot lights' are on. See, when my parents bought me my first car (a 1979 Pontiac Grand Le Mans), the first lesson my dad taught me about driving a car was this:

Dear ol Dad: "See these lights on the dashboard?" :::points:::

Me: "Yeah."

DOD: "They call these idiot lights. Do you know why they call them idiot lights?"

Me: "Ummmm no?"

DOD: "Cuz only idiots drive when they're on."

It was a good lesson, one I've always adhered to. So I did what I always do when my idiot lights come on, or anything else happens to my car, I pulled over and called my dad (who by now is really, really wishing I'd get married already).

To make a really long story less long, the gist of it is the pulley to my crank shaft is FUBAR'd (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) and I need a new one. Also, because of that, all my other belts are shredded. The part, however, is in Bumfuck Egypt South Nebraska and won't be in until Monday so I won't have a car again until late Monday afternoon. And, it's going to cost $400 to fix which I have to confiscate borrow from my rents. I'll just add it to my $2M tab.

So, here I am, bored out of my mind and feeling trapped. Funny how the agoraphobia somehow becomes less significant when I absolutely can't leave my house. Usually you can't pay me enough to leave and now I feel like I'm going to go on a killing spree explode if I have to spend another minute here. It doesn't help that I have like no food and if I have to eat leftover sloppy joes one more time I'm going to butcher a squirrel vomit.

So yeah, that's how my weekend is going. But, I have no kids till 10 tonight so I guess it could be worse. I get to blog and catch up on my blog reading. Then I'll probably watch Blade II. Which is probably what I'd be doing if my car wasn't FUBAR'd so really life without a car is no different for me at this moment. It's just the idea that I can't leave that bugs me the most. As long as I have her back next week for appointments, it's all good.

Otay then, I'm going to get to some blog reading. I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!

P.S. I got an award from The Guys (thanks Guys!) and will be posting on that soon.

Just Say No

It's been a very long week, but thank Goddess it's almost over.

Can I just say that I'm so sick of people trying to manipulate me in order to take advantage of me? Between my neighbor who bursts into tears every time I tell her I can't drive her all over hell and back and my daughter's friend's mother who expects me to drive my daughter 60 miles (both ways-this woman doesn't have a car) to come see her daughter every fucking weekend (without the offer of any gas money) I've had it with people I barely know demanding things from me. With the fibromyalgia, bipolar, arthritis, and agoraphobia, I can barely get my own shit done, let alone run everyone else all over creation.

So yeah, a bit homicidal annoyed. I really need to work on setting boundaries and saying 'no.' That's something that's always been hard for me. If I do manage to say no the first time, it's entirely too easy for someone to manipulate me into saying yes the second time.

What pisses me off though is that I would never ask so much of someone I don't know. These people are strangers to me yet they expect more from me than my bestest girlfriend does. I would never, never expect someone I barely know to run all my errands for me or drive my daughter 60 miles to visit someone ever weekend. It's rude and an imposition. Not to mention that I've explained my situation, both with my car (it's ancient and won't last much longer) and my physical/mental issues, and they just don't care.

So, I guess that means I have to learn to be bitchy and rude tell them no and stick with it, cuz being nice isn't getting me anywhere. Or should I say, it's getting everywhere I don't want to go?

Apparently my therapist has decided that seeing me every 2 weeks isn't enough and now I see her every week. Nothing makes ya feel crazier than having your therapist tell you you need to come in more frequently. But, I don't blame her cuz I have some major issues to work on (like with telling people to piss off setting boundaries) and I was thinking every 2 weeks wasn't enough too. She's an awesome therapist, she's got more degrees than I can count and she's freaking smart as hell, but she's also very warm and welcoming. And we click, which is the most important part.

Sorry if this post has been more boring than usual. I have a migraine today and couldn't think of anything entertaining to write about.