Lots of Time Has Passed and I'm Still Completely Crackers

Oh my Goddess, it's been forever and a day since I've blogged! So what has been happening with me the last few months? Let's see...other than the fact that I've been completely MIA from my blogs and Facebook, there's been shit, crap and assorted other bullshit. Then there was mono, escalating heart problems, and the ever-lingering abject poverty. Not that it's all been horrid. My youngest Drunken Midget and I have been getting along much better. And my eldest has been doing well in college and recently was hired at a 2nd job. Yay!! And I've been doing a lot of rituals and attending to my spiritual side, which I ignored for far too long cuz I was just too depressed to do a damn thing.

I've also been seeing my therapist, who is, like, total awesomeness. She told me last week that she wants me to watch the 'Hostel' movies as therapeutic homework to help me deal with my anger issues. (I may or may not have mentioned that I would love to torture and maim certain persons who shall not be named in the remote eventuality that they wind up tortured and maimed. However, I would like to point out that my religion mandates that I harm none, so the aforementioned torture and maiming would remain in the realm of fantasy and I would not in actuality commit such heinous acts in reality.) As I adore Quentin Tarantino I was all over that but they didn't have those flicks streaming on Netflix so I opted to watch 'The Killing Jar' and 'Kill Bill: Volume 1' and 'Kill Bill: Volume 2.' As I've said before Uma Thurman totally and completely kicks ass (with a sword) and I'm all over her exacting vengeance on all those who harmed her. And 'The Killing Jar' was just beyond utterly fantastic. I so have to buy that one on DVD.

In other, less disturbing news, winter is finally here. Booyah!!! In mid November I was driving home one day and saw this chick jogging, wearing a tank top and shorts. In November. In Minnesota. Can you say Climate Change, boys and girls???? So, when the snow started falling yesterday I was really, really excited.

Interestingly enough, a scientist, who was a major Climate Change skeptic (I'm too lazy to look up his name-well, Jebus, it's after 2 a.m., what do you expect?) did a study. That study was funded by, among others, the uberconservative Koch brothers. After completing that study this scientist determined that, surprise, surprise, climate change is not a fantasy cooked up by paranoid Democrats as claimed by Republicans everywhere, but a solid reality. Hmmmm. Go figure.

So, a while ago my youngest Drunken Midget was making this god-awful high pitched squealing noise. After about a minute of enduring it I asked, "Why are you making that noise?" She responded, "I wanted to see how long it would take you to tell me to stop." And people wonder why I'm insane.

Oh, and then, one night I had a dream that Justin Bieber was my parent's next door neighbor. Then, these giant venomous snakes attacked, which was rather terrifying, but in the end they ate Justin Bieber, so it was all good.

Oh, and did I mention that in the last few months I've lost 40+ lbs? Woot! Woot! I am so very psyched about that!

Lately I've been reading the A Game of Thrones books, which are absolutely excellent and I highly recommend them. 

K, then, I should probably make some sort of attempt to sleep now, so I'm off.

Laters!

Yeah, I'm Feeling Violent. So What You Gonna Do About It, Punk?

Jebus!! I've been blogging so infrequently lately that I forgot my log in email. Damn it. But, it's all good now. I'm logged in and ready to blog. Yeehaw!! Or something a little less country than that.

So, yes, another blog in less than a week. Go me! Still haven't been reading up on all my favorite blogs though. Don't smack me please, I'm working on it. I just can't fucking focus. My psychiatrist has lowered the doses of most of my meds in hopes that I won't sleep as much but so far all it's done is make me ever more depressed. Maybe we should smack her. Somebody needs to be smacked, god damn it. As long as it's not me.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm feeling rather violent today. Normally I'm a pacifist, being a Buddhist Pagan Witch that worships Dog and all that, but the last couple days I've been feeling like delivering a phenomenal ass-kicking. And I know so many people that deserve one, but I will not mention them here cuz if they happen to receive a good ass-kicking everyone will blame me for it. Even my dreams have been violent lately. I mean violent in a kick the living shit out of anyone who crosses me kinda way. Blood spurting, organs oozing out, the whole nine yards. Not sure what that's all about, though on some level I do find it enormously satisfying. Maybe the pacifist in me is sick of turning the proverbial cheek and wants some wicked payback. My therapist is always telling me I'm far too passive for my own good.

But setting the violence aside for a moment (aww, do we have to?) I must say that I'm totally psyched cuz season 4 of Burn Notice is out on DVD. I'm so asking for it for my birthday (which is next Tuesday, in case you were wondering). It's one of  my favorite shows. Fiona (Gabriel Anwar) is so awesome, she's such a bad-ass (with the violence again, really?) and she doesn't take shit from anyone. She's, like, totally my idol. She needs to eat a couple dozen bacon cheeseburgers cuz she's too damn skinny, but I love her attitude. And Michael (Jeffrey Donovan) is such a cutie!! He's no Sully Erna, but he's pretty damn hot. And he can kick some ass when he has too, which is always sexy.

And, I leave you with this vid. Cuz I love it.



Laters!

It's Been a Long Strange Trip and All That. Oh, and My Cat Keeps Sneezing.

My cat is sick. But that's neither here nor there.

OMFG I should be dipped in honey and tossed onto a fire anthill it's been so long since I've blogged and read other blogs. But really I have a fantabulous excuse. See, I was so totally depressed for the longest time and then I went up north to my parent's cabin with all kinds of family members and I was too busy to blog. My Mom and Dad were there along with my two Drunken Midgets, my eldest Drunken Midget's BF, my Grandma, my Uncle and his BF, and my bro, sis-in-law and nephews. There was much fun and hilarity and my last night there I laughed so much my whole body hurt. I haven't laughed so hard in over 5 years. There where campfires and dinners at Zorbas and all that. It was just awesome and I totally needed the break from my life which has totally been sucking rocks as of late.

And I just have to share that there was this one night where my nephews were playing with my Dad, who is known for getting kids totally riled up, and they had so much fun one of them actually threw up. So, apparently it's all fun and games until someone tosses their cookies. 

Then I got home and there was a billion appointments cuz I had been gone and all that. Then, apparently my cardiologist wants me to have a cardiac MRI which involves me being forcibly stuffed into a little tube and I'm highly claustrophobic so I've been avoiding that like the plague. I'd rather be doused in gasoline and set on fire than do that. So yeah.

But I'm still alive, if not kicking. My youngest Drunken Midget is at her 'father's' all next week so I'm hoping to catch up on all my blog reading then.

I hope everyone in cyberspace is doing well and that life is totally awesome for all of you. I miss you all and I'll hopefully be reading all your blogs soon.

Mwah!!

Laters!

Pulling Myself out of the Coma Long Enough to Blog

You'll have to forgive me, I feel a little rusty in my blogging. It's been a while. 

Yes, I am still breathing. My apologies for my extended blogging absence and for not keeping up on all my friend's blogs. It's been a rough few weeks. Lately I've been battling severe depression and extreme exhaustion. I've been sleeping around 18-20 hours a day. It's been so bad that I can't even stay awake most days to drink my coffee. Goddess only knows how much coffee I've wasted cuz I make a pot and then fall asleep before I can drink it. And I hate stale coffee.

Then today I received some bad news from my doctor. Apparently when they did my last echocardiogram they found an abnormality in my heart, called Diastolic Dysfunction, which increases my risk of heart failure (and I'm already at an increased risk cuz of the tachycardia and diabetes). I'm not sure if it's related to the tachycardia (elevated heart rate) or not, nor am I sure what treatments are available or even how serious it is, but I see my cardiologist on the 27th and we'll see what she says.

So yeah, it's been an interesting few weeks. I also have to go in for a sleep study cuz they think I may have sleep apnea. It seems like every time I turn around they find something else wrong with me. It's been very frustrating.

But, there have been good things too. I lost another 10 pounds (Yay!), and we finally got my blood pressure under control. My blood sugars have been down too. They're still high, but much better than they were, so that's good.

And, I'm very excited cuz if I get my renter's rebate in August (I still need to fill out the paperwork) I'm getting another tattoo!! Woot! Woot! I'd like to get my eyebrow pierced too but wanna lose some more weight first. I'm not sure what tattoo I'm going to get. Either an ankh on my inner forearm or something on my upper right arm with my Drunken Midget's names in it. I'm going to see if my eldest will help me design something, she's a really good artist.

And, for those of you who aren't my Facebook friends (cuz they've already seen this), I've decided that if ever get 3 wishes, I'm wishing for Sully Erna (duh), Chad Gray, and Billie Joe Armstrong. I could totally be a polygamist and have my own little harem. Now I just need to find me a genie!!

I'm also very excited cuz I was able to stay awake long enough today to drink coffee for the first time in over a week. Oh how I've missed my coffee. I think I've had enough caffeine to kill a small pony. It's a good thing I'm not a small pony. It's also the first time in a long time that I've been awake long enough to listen to music. Oh Godsmack, how I've missed you!!

There's this fruit fly in my room and he's the fastest fruit fly I've ever seen. He's like a super sonic fruit fly on coke. I just can't catch the little bastard. And he loves to dive bomb me. It's so annoying.

Anyhoo, that's really all that I have today. Hopefully I'll be back on my regular blogging and reading schedule soon.

Laters!

Yes, I'm still alive. No I was not taken away by the men with the white coats or abducted by aliens. Nor did I die in a fiery explosion or get devoured by sharks or even wild marmosets. I'm still here, exhausted and in pain, trapped by my life and fighting bone crushing depression. Well, aren't I just a ray of fucking sunshine today?

But, onto better things. Like Random Tuesday Thoughts. If anything can lift me out of the pit, at least for a moment, it's randomness and mayhem courtesy of our awesome rebel host, Stacy. So give her a shout out, grab the badge, and paint yourself random!

*I had dinner on Saturday with an old friend whom I haven't talked to in ages. It was wonderful to see her again. She is so awesome. And hopefully we're going to hang out on Wednesday again. Woot! Woot!

*Has anybody been following Weinergate? Personally, I really couldn't care less who Weiner showed his weiner to. He's a good congressman, he fights for the poor and downtrodden and he's a voice for those who don't otherwise have one. As far as I'm concerned, his horniness just got the better of him. It happens to the best of us. Get over it. At least when he lied, nobody died.

*Today is our 2nd day of 98+ temps, and let me tell you, I'm sick of summer already. I hate the heat. Loathe it. It makes me physically sick. I so need to move to Siberia or something.

*I've been a bad bloggy friend. I haven't been reading my favorite blogs. I've just been too exhausted to concentrate.

*The other day I finally found David Eddings' books at Half Price books. I'm so excited to read them, I've been longing for some good reading. Of course, now I have to figure out how to stay awake long enough to read them.

Well I guess that's all the random I have today. I'm just not feeling usual happy-go-lucky-random-self today.

Laters!

Random is as Random Does: Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel

Yes, yes, ya'll it is time for Random Tuesday Thoughts once again! So check out Stacy, who is so very awesome for continuing the Random tradition while Keely is (still) on hiatus, get down with your randomness and link up!!

*So, we might have a new addition to our family. My youngest Drunken Midget, who is friend to all injured and abandoned animals, found a baby blackbird when she was at her 'father's' house. She immediately adopted it and named it Izzy (I tried to get her to name it Hekate or Morrigan, but she wasn't having it. That's ok, Izzy is cool too). I told her that she has to take it to the Humane Society tomorrow, but she's begging me to let her keep it until it can fly, and she's wearing me down. She raised a baby robin (Hedwig) one year and she taught it how to fly and everything.

*After about two hours of being home she came into my room and exclaimed, "You're not truly a mom until you've been pooped and peed on." She also keeps chanting to the cats, "Birds are friends, NOT food" because she thinks it will brainwash them into not trying to eat Izzy.

*The next animal I get, I'm naming it Lizzie, for Lizzie Borden. 

*I just love it when the gov't fucks up and then proceeds to punish me for it. Fuckers.

*This weekend I had no Midget and spent most of it on the computer. FB just sucks me in and won't let go. Then of course, there's Netflix and all the tv watching I have to make up for from not having tv for the last 3 (I think, it's really been just a blur) years.

*This weekend, I also received 3 awards. Yay! I will be posting on them soon, but probably not all at the same time.

*Furthermore, I was so bad this weekend. Just utterly naughty. Really, I should be spanked. Then dipped in honey and thrown forcefully at a bear. Not only did I buy a thing of cream cheese brownies but I also bought a 12 pack of Vault and a bag of Lays potato chips. None live to tell the tale. It's a good thing I only do that once in a blue moon or I'd be in a diabetic coma by now.


*A random pic:

Does everyone entering the city receive a free sex toy?

*Random Quote of the Day:

We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I will pick you up. After I stop laughing.

*Random Word of the Day: Bohemian

Laters!

It's Really Just a Bunch of Random Blather Cuz I'm BOARD. (You'll Get That Later)

I've been following the Circle of Mom's blog contest for moms of faith. Not Christian moms of faith, just moms of faith. I'm very disappointed and sickened, though not surprised, by the behavior of some of the Christian moms towards the Pagans in the contest. They are intolerant and bigoted, full of hatred and condemnation for the Pagan moms. They seem to forget that, among other statements of tolerance and love, the Bible says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7:1) They also seem to have forgotten that Jesus hung around with the sinners, prostitutes, drunks, and tax collectors. These women, and many other Christians, seem to take Jesus' instructions to 'love thy neighbor' as meaning, 'love thy Christian neighbor and hate, revile, and harass everyone else.' It's very sad. And, to be honest, it makes me angry. 

My favorite Facebook profile status update that I posted this week:

OMG Lays potato chips, stop jumping into my mouth and forcing me to eat you! Don't you know you're bad for me?? You fucking bastards, are you trying to kill me???

Yeah, I think I just raptured.

Not to betray my love for Christopher Eccleston or anything, but David Tennant is starting to grow on me in a big way. He's a hottie and he has fabulous hair. I may have to fight Julie for him though.

My hair has streaks of a silvery color in it, which I think is really cool, but the rest of it is a nondescript brown. I wish I could just dye the brown and not the silver. I'd dye it black cuz I think it would be totally awesome to have black and silver hair. At least when I grow older and my hair completely grays it will be a nice shiny silver instead of boring old dull gray.

Did you know that if you take the last two numbers of your birth year and add it to the age you will be this year it will equal 111? Yupp, that is true for everyone, but only this year.

Mangos are overrated. I like mango flavor in smoothies and stuff, but the fruit itself is highly overrated. However, that could be cuz I don't know how to tell if they are ripe.

Today I was semi productive and cleaned half my kitchen. Though considering that my kitchen is roughly the size of a shoebox, that might not be saying much. 

I finally found out how to prepare pomegranate seeds before eating them and now I love them. And they are so good for you, just filled with antioxidants.

There are a lot of Davids in my family. My Dad is David. My uncle's partner is David, my eldest Midget's bf is David, and my sis-in-law's brother is named David. There are also a lot of Pattis in my family. My real name is Patti (My full name is Patricia-one of these days I'll tell you how I got my name. It's hilarious. I was this close to becoming a Jennifer were it not for my grandma), my grandmother is named Patricia (Pat for short) and my aunt is named Patrice, but we call her Patty Kay. One of my other uncle's ex wife's name is also Patty. I figure if I ever get married I should marry a guy named David, cuz I think it would be funny. (Are you listening, David Tennant?)

And, just for shits and giggles:

Laters!!

Fawk You Friday-Step Back and Watch the Volcano Erupt!

Once again it is Fawk You Friday. That means I get to bitch and say Fawk You all the people/things that piss me off!! If you have something to get off your chest and you wanna participate, link up with Boobies, Babies & a Blog and My Mad Mind.

On with the show....

Fawk You to Super America who recently stopped carrying Vault soda-the sweet elixir of the Gods. Now there's only one store in my suburb that sells it and I fear that they will soon discontinue it too.

Fawk You to my cat Meadow who eats so fast that she pukes everywhere every time she eats. I am so sick of picking up your vomit (And stepping in it. There's nothing worse than cat puke between your toes!) And btw, why the hell are you so fat when you puke so much?

Fawk You to Walmart who stopped selling incense (and a whole lotta other things I used to buy there-if you didn't add so much damn food, you wouldn't have had to get rid of everything) so now I have to order it online and pay for shipping. Since you don't sell anything that I can't buy at Target (whose store is much cleaner, better organized and the employees are much, much friendlier) I just have no reason to shop there anymore.

Fawk You to my house, which steadfastly refuses to clean itself.

Fawk You to the laundry that is constantly reproducing in my closet. I hate you!

Fawk You to my checking account that never seems to have more than $1.50 in it.

Fawk You to my Loser Ex for far too many reasons to list here, but they have a lot to do with his being a self centered asshole who acts as though I should get down on my knees before him and cater to his every whim. Sorry buddy, ain't gonna happen. If I (and my family) give into his selfish expectations and demands, it is for one reason and one reason alone: MY DAUGHTER. Oh, and btw, he expects that my family continually drive her part way to meet him for HIS visitation, yet I don't see his sisters or other family members helping out. (Except for ONE time his father drove to bring her to meet my dad) And, may I remind him that it is HIS visitation and no one else's. I don't care how far away he lives. He was completely absent for 15 years he can just suck it up.

And, last but not least, a giant resounding Fawk You to all the people that tell me I'm going to hell or otherwise shit all over my religion cuz I don't share their religious beliefs. It's your hell, you burn in it!! I have no problem with different religions. I chose Wicca because it works for me, my best friend (for example) chose Christianity cuz it works for her (though she is far more liberal than any other Christian I have ever known). Our friendship works because she doesn't proselytize to me and try to cram her religion down my throat, nor does she lord it over me that she is 'saved' and I am not. Nor does she denounce or otherwise speak ill of my faith (and yes, it is a faith). We can have reasonable discussions about our different faiths without arguing or stooping to 'My God/dess can beat up your God/dess.' I have no problem with reasonable, tolerant people. I have issue with intolerant bigots who cannot accept anyone that does not believe exactly as they believe and spout their ignorant opinions every chance they get. So there! 

Wow, do I feel better!! Thanks for reading!

Laters!

My Evil Plan

So, this is my new favorite site. I played with it and created several Evil Plans, but this one is by far my favorite.

 Evil Guide Plan

Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: world domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: sadistic pleasure

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first devour a Pope. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, terrified by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two

Next, you must desecrate the Statue of Liberty. This will all be done from a fake mountain, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of the religious right hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must send forth your armies of destruction, bringing about an Unending Cacaphony of Screams. Your name shall become synonymous with slaughter, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your Mind-Boggling Insanity, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.

Thanks StumbleUpon for another entertaining but complete useless waste of time!!

Some Random Stuff on a Random Tuesday-Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel

Apparently I stepped into a wormhole last Tuesday and popped back out on the other side to today cuz the last week went by so fast I don't recall any of it. I mean, where does the time go and what the hell do I do with it cuz I have nothing to show for it. Though it has been raining a lot which renders me absolutely useless. I really hate fibromyalgia and arthritis.  

Anyhoo, today is Random Tuesday Thoughts, so link up with Stacy, our totally awesome rockin' hostess with the mostess and get your own random on! It's a riot! I promise!

*My favorite car is the 1969 Corvette Stingray. When I'm famous I'm so buying one in purple and the license plate is going to say SPACED for Spaced Girl Hero.

*On Sunday morning I watched Alice in Wonderland. It was so awesome!! My favorite line was when Johnny Depp said, "On that day, I shall futterwacken vigorously."

*I can't wait until Source Code comes out on DVD. I'm so buying it. 


*Bullet In A Bible by Green Day is so going to be my next musical purchase.


*I'm so psyched for Thor and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I've heard Pirates is so good, despite the fact that Orlando Bloom isn't in it (hottie!).

*Did you know that there are so many people that believe the world is flat that they have their own society? Yupp, it's true, they call themselves The Flat Earth Society. 


*I went shopping on Sunday with the gift card my eldest Drunken Midget gave me for Mother's Day. I bought 3 new shirts and new jammies! Booyah for new clothes!!


*After a 'tough weekend' of being 'flabbergasted' that the Rapture did not occur, Harold Camping has spent much time in prayer and is back in the public spotlight and up to his old tricks. Apparently, he was 5 months off this time (after being 17 years off with the whole 1994 fiasco) and the Judgment has been rescheduled for October 21st of this year. The sad part is that people continue to believe him. I'd say they will probably continue handing him their money but most of them have already given him their life savings so there's nothing left to give, though I'm sure that he'll convince new suckers followers to pony up the dough. 


*I totally found the best incense ever. I just love it and can't wait to order a ton of it online. It is so fragrant and smells just divine. It's called Gonesh and if you burn incense I highly recommend it. 

*Random pic I found on StumbleUpon:

Things that make you go, "Hmmmm..."

*Random quote: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


*Random word of the day: platypus


Laters!