Life's a Bitch and Then You Die

I worked myself to death yesterday finishing my final project for school and trying to find a place to live. I have an appointment today to see an apartment, but it's not my ideal place to live. It's not as nice as where I am now. Although, I have to notify HRA of where I'm moving to in less than a month, so I'm running out of time and may not have a choice in the matter.

I found a beautiful apartment but it's in a different city and I can't drive the girls to school every day cuz I have an 8:20 class on Tuesdays and Thursdays this fall. And I really don't want them to have to change schools. So, it looks like I'm stuck with this apartment, if I can get it, which depresses me beyond belief. And, I'd have to go back to sharing a bathroom with my girls, which totally sucks. But, I suppose at least I'll have somewhere to live.

I wasn't able to finish all my homework, so I have to work on a letter of recommendation today before I go look at that apartment. But, this is my last week of school so I'll be done with homework and class for at least a week.

I've been very exhausted lately, and I'm not sure if it's the stress or what, but all I want to do is sleep. I want to go back to bed now, and just stay there the rest of the day.

And I have to remember to do my orientation for the online class I'm taking this fall. I keep putting it off cuz there are so many other, pressing matters to attend to.

So, I have to give my oral presentation for class today. I hate giving speeches. I'm totally dreading it. I haven't even had time to practice it, which probably isn't a good thing. I'll be so glad to get it over with.

I'm trying very hard to have faith, especially in regards to finding a place to live, but it's so hard. I really don't want to move into this particular building, but I feel as though I have no other choice. I'm trying to remind myself that God always turns things to good somehow, but I just don't see what good can come of living somewhere I'm going to hate. Maybe I'm just being too negative and maybe it won't be so bad. I don't know. I just know that I wanted to move somewhere as nice or nicer than where I am now, not somewhere that is worse.

And I so desperately wanted my own bathroom. It's going to be hard to move to a place that's smaller than where I am now, especially as this place is small enough, and here I have my own bathroom.

I'm just feeling very discouraged this morning, and very hopeless. I hate feeling like I don't have any choices, and as I don't want to move out of this city, and very few places here take vouchers, I really don't have much in the way of choices. It's depressing.

I mean, I could pass on this apartment, but it's the only one I've found with an opening on Nov. 1. If I wait, I might not find something before December or January, and that means I'd have to move twice, and live with my parents for a month or two, which would really suck rocks.

I just don't know what to do, and I don't like the choices I have before me.

Pardon my negativity, but life just generally sucks right now.

K, well, I'm gonna watch Angel now.

Laters!