A Heartwarming Little Story Followed Immediately By Fawk You Friday

So I just have to say that I love words. Adore them. Always have. And I love learning new words and sometimes even making up my own words. I'd better love them as I aspire to be a 'real writer' when I 'grow up.' This love affair that I have with words has gone on for as long as I can remember. In fact, I can still recall the first time I looked up a word in the dictionary, not because I had to for an assignment for school, but because I heard it and wanted to know what it meant for my own edification.

I was 11 or 12 and I was watching the movie Real Genius with Val Kilmer on HBO. (Fantastic fucking movie btw. Just hilarious. And Val Kilmer is smoking HOT!) I was downstairs in my parents basement watching it on the big screen tv and the evil guy in the movie called Val and his friends a bunch of 'degenerates' and I didn't know what it meant, so I thought I'd look it up in my blue and yellow Webster's college dictionary and I realized that it was the first time that I'd ever looked up a word of my own volition.

So yeah. Boring story, I know, but it's one of my clearest memories. The rest of my childhood is a fuzzy, blurry mess of images and feelings that I have difficultly pulling out into my conscious mind.

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! Wanker!

K I just remembered it's Friday, which means it's Fawk You Friday time! (But I'll be using the real word, cuz I like it!) I'm hooking up with Boobies, Babies and a Blog and My Mad Mind for my first time participating. I guess that means I'm a Fawk You Friday virgin. *giggles*

Fuck you~ Ms. West, my Drunken Midget's therapist. You seem hell bent on separating me and my Midget and I'm so looking into suing  your vapid banshee ass.


Fuck you~ Loser Ex who abandoned my Midget for the first 15 years of her life, leaving me to raise her by myself, and yet now you're Superdad and I'm the Wicked Witch of the Midwest. Bite me you stupid, dickless fucker.

Fuck you~ Asshole in the Lexus who was so busy yakking on the phone that you didn't see me when you barreled over into my lane, without signaling, and nearly ran me off the road. You suck. Get off your damn phone and drive.


Fuck you~ Landlord who is coming in on Monday with the fire department to poke around every nook and cranny of my home and criticize my housekeeping ability. You all suck. Epically.


Fuck you~ To the CEOs of the oil companies for being the greedy motherfuckers that you are.

Ok, I think that's enough rageful venting for one day. :P

And here are some of my favorite keyword searches that brought people to this blog. 

can i snort wake ups~ You can, but I don't know what good it will do you.

orgasmator~ Helping women climax since 1929.

(Incidentally, did  you know that the first dildo was made of wood? How did those splinters feel??)

dog bite not tearing pants but red around the scab~ Ummmmm....okay?

acid backflash~ The only way to hallucinate.

bald lizard~ Got Rogaine?

don't be a myopic chihuahua~ How about a myopic iguana?

happy bunny bite me bitch~ Was it good for you?

up down up down all around world again~ Sounds like my mood swings.

easy there seabiscuit~ I'm so gonna steal that!

free movies bab fucked by zoo~ Sorry, I'm just not into bestiality, free movies or no.

psych drinking game~ That's the drinking game I made up. You watch the tv show Psych, and drink every time there's an 80s reference. You'll be snockered in 2 episodes.

Laters!