Monday, March 14, 2011

Warning: This Post May Contain Material Offensive to the Pope

Insomnia and I are best buds now. Yupp. Inseparable. Two peas in a pod. I've only been sleeping every other night, and while I love the extra time to do the really important things like blog and surf StumbleUpon, my body is cryin' for more sleep. 

Apparently, according to astronomers, the zodiac has changed cuz of something to do with the Earth's axis or rotation or some such thing. If you believe that, I'm now a Cancer, instead of a Leo. But, astrologers are poo-pooing the astronomers cuz of something to do with astrology being based on some tropical something or other. (As you can see I did such extensive research on the topic.) So, according to astrologers, I'm still a Leo. I'm not sure what to think. I like being a Leo. Leos rock. But, I do share a ton in common with Cancers too, and I tend to be a lot more introverted than your average Leo. (No, seriously.)

So, I heard recently that the Catholic church has decided that Limbo is out. Gone. Poof. It is no more. How does that work? So, the Pope was just sittin' around one day, chillin' with Limbo, some communion wine, and a bifter when they had a bit off a tiff cuz Limbo refused to genuflect and the Pope, by this time both plastered and stoned, got all narky and ended up kicking its ass out, crying, "Hey Limbo, get the fuck out! I shun you. Shun, I say."

(I am so going to hell)

And what happens to all those poor, unchristened babies?

Additionally, I read that the church is telling people in third world countries that condoms don't help to prevent the spread of AIDS on account of their stance on birth control. WTF? I really have nothing witty or funny to say about that, it's just that fucked up. And my family wonders why I'm no longer Catholic. (Though, to be honest, I was only baptized Catholic as an infant-when I had no choice in the matter-and attended church for various and sundry weddings and christenings-again, not much of a choice there-and I don't think that counts. I never even had my 1st Communion. My grandma says that doesn't matter, I'll always be Catholic cuz I was baptized Catholic, but I'm still going to hell cuz I'm not a practicing Catholic. It's this whole confusing thing that I just don't get.) 

I found Jesus. He's drunk in my backseat. 

I found Jesus. Have you seen my car keys?

I found Jesus. Will you guys quit losing him already? 

K, just had to get that off my chest.  

So, I have the earbuds to my iPod shoved into my ears so much (I've even been known to sleep with my iPod on so Sully can croon to me in my dreams. I know, I'm.Such.A.Dork.) that I actually have a small sore on my left ear from the earbud rubbing against it. It hurts to listen to my music now. Not that that deters me from listening. I'd suffer any amount of pain for Sully music. I'm a music junkie. I heart music. I'd marry it if I could. But not that country crap. I listen to pretty much every genre of music, including opera, I even let my Drunken Midget listen to hip-hop and pop in the car *gags* but I am proud to say that my radios are 100% country free. Country, I shun you like the Pope shuns Limbo.

StumbleUpon thought I'd like this site, and they were right. They know me so well. I LMAO until I cried. Literally. Go ahead. Check it out. I'll wait.


This one is equally as hilarious.

And last but not least, I have to share this one, cuz OMG they are all hilarious, but the 4th one down made me pee my pants I laughed so hard. I think this is what she was thinking: "Oooh, it's stretchy!"

So, I finally watched my 'Godsmack-Changes' DVD. It so rocked my world! I love Sully Erna and Godsmack even more now. (Is that even possible?) Sully has such an awesome attitude and he is hilarious! I even got to watch him do yoga. Nummy. And that Boston accent. *swoons* Shannon Larkin, their drummer, is pretty awesome too (not as awesome as Sully though). I love watching him in action, he just goes fucking wild.

And, just cuz I'm going on about Godsmack (Hey, I went 6 whole posts without talking about them, what do you want from  me?) I'm going to post this vid. You can see Sully and Shannon in all their gloriousness. I'm not quite sure what's up with the creepy dude in the bathtub though.



And on that note, I'm outta here!

Laters!

P.S. I wonder how much hate mail I'll get on account of this post?

26 comments:

  1. I found Jesus. Will you guys quit losing him already ... so funny! I'll check the sites out later, brilliant to visit as always :o)

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  2. The "stance" on birth control is one of the many issues I have with the Catholic Church....
    get out of the dark ages Pope...

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  3. I know what you're talking about with the earbuds. Those things hurt!

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  4. I'm saying I gave up drinking "for Lent" but I don't practice religion of any kind. I just noticed if I add that in people leave me alone. If I say I gave up drinking people want a conversation.

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  5. Mwahahaha yes, I have to say that there is no freakin' way I buy into that religious- err bullshit is the nicest thing I can think of. I was raised Christian and gave the girls options - ie: let them go to many different flavors of church/spiritual groups/what have you and let them make up their own minds.

    It drives me batshit crazy that the leaders can just decide oh no God won't like that any more (yeah, right, who died and made you the boss of everyone, I didn't see any damn burning bushes or stone tablets saying that) but if I pick and choose the parts of various religions that resonate with me I am a (insert various nasty words of choice but all mean sacrilegious bitch who is going to hell)- we'll hang out together, m'kay?

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  6. Ok, you make me ROFL a lot. I dig. Dig so much. :)

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  7. Really enjoyed this post - always find this one of the more interesting blogs around. With regard to the comments about the Pope 7 condoms, you may be interested in an e-mail i sent him shortky after his accession (if that's what they call it) - it was published here: http://malsword.wordpress.com/2005/04/21/e-mail-to-benedetto-xvi/

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  8. So the deal is: astrologers say "the signs were created based on the observations at such and such time, not on the astronomical scientific facts, guys". Case closed. I am not giving up my Virgo status.

    However, it's more than one sign- you have tons of influences in your chart, including have 3 signs...if you feel very Cancer, I'd be willing to bet your rising sign or moon sign is a Cancer, or that you have a lot of Cancer influences in your chart.

    And I'm a big dork. :P
    And I love your lost Jesus phrases!

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  9. You are one busy girl!!! You definitely need some sleep. I don't get the whole astrologer/astronomer battle. But I also don't get the whole Catholic - no limbo and don't use condoms thing either.
    Love the "I found Jesus, would guys quite losing him!"

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  10. you really need your own line of bumper stickers...i am kinda glad limbo is out i could never get low enough...if you rearrange the letters in latex condoms you can spell satan...ok not really dont spend a lot of time trying to figure that one out....umm...i am a leo as well...so yes they do rock!!!

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  11. you are awesome. I checked out the sites. so funny.

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  12. So I'm unclear on whether you like Sully or not.... :)

    Have you been to damnautocorrect.com? FUNNIEST site ever!!!

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  13. Deborah~ LOL thanks!

    Kristine~ The Catholic church was actually starting to take some baby steps forward until this new Pope came in and thrust it back 2 centuries.

    blueviolet~ I know! But it's so worth the pain. I love my music. :D

    Julie~ Yeah, you can pretty much do anything in the name of religion and it's ok. I'm not quite sure how that works.

    ddiva~ My kids were exposed to Christianity (I was a born-again Christian for many years, if you can believe that), Buddhism, and Paganism growing up, yet somehow they went and chose Catholicism. LOL That's ok though, I totally respect their choice, and they mine.

    I know, right? They just change all these things at the drop of the hat and claim 'divine revelation.' Whatever. Lay off the communion wine, buddy. Yupp, sounds good. :D

    Miss Angie~ Thank ya, thank ya very much! :)

    Beth~ Thank you for clearing that up for me. I've always wanted to get my natal chart done, but they are so expensive. Not to mention confusing, at least to me.

    LOL you're so not a dork! Or, if you are, I'm one right along with you! lol

    Gina~ I know, I don't know why I've been having such trouble sleeping lately. It must be stress.

    Brian Miller~ As tempted as I am to take full credit for the lost Jesus sayings, I'm pretty sure I read them somewhere and just remembered them. :) I know, right? I can never get under that damn stick. Satan. LOL Yes, Leos totally rock!

    Brandy@YDK~ Thanks! I know, aren't those just awesome!

    Have a fantastic afternoon everyone!

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  14. Kaylen~ You were leaving your comment as I was leaving mine, so I missed ya!

    LMAO I know, right?

    Yes, I have been to damnyouautocorrect, it totally cracks me up!

    Have a great day!

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  15. I still haven't figured out what's going on with the zodiac!

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  16. Mama Zen~ It is very confusing!

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  17. Just goes to show how negotiable church doctrine really is. They change what they want, when they want. Except when someone wants a change that benefits someone other than the church.

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  18. You are awesome!
    There is an award for you on my blog!
    Jess

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  19. bluzdude~ No kidding! It just boggles my mind. And I just couldn't believe the uproar from the Vatican when they started ordaining women priests. Apparently a lot of the more 'liberal' Catholic churches are ignoring the Pope and still have women priests despite the threat of excommunication. I'm still not sure how liberal a Catholic church can actually be, but ok.

    Jess~ Yay!! Thank you!

    Have a wonderful night!

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  20. Oh man. Where's my comment? I bet I forgot to do the scramble word. :-(

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  21. Fireblossom~ That so sucks. And I always look forward to your comments so much!

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  22. Hey there comment whore! (Kidding) Just wanted to say your blog is both interesting and awesome. Followed.

    Stop by Alee's Perspective and say what's up sometime!

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  23. Malcolm~ Sorry, you got stuck in my spam folder for some reason. But, I released you and now I can comment on your comment.

    Thanks! I'm flattered that you like my blog. I'm off to check your link right now.

    Have a delightful night!

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  24. I am sending hatemail. We can no longer be friends...sorry. You don't like country? COME ON!! I thought we were so alike...now I feel like I don't even know you. Have you ever seen Tim McGraw? There's a beautiful man for you, right there.

    My insomnia has been acting up even more than usual while I'm so anxious about wondering if I'm going to land this job or not. Usually I manage to get to be between 2 and 4 if I'm lucky and for awhile I haven't been sleepy AT ALL until 5:30 and then this morning Finn came in with no diaper on...weirdest thing EVER, first time too...so I didn't get back to sleep until 6:30--up at 7--not enough sleep. So I sleep every night, but for very few hours. My body is begging for sleep as well.

    My Catholic story is very similar except the reason I didn't grow up in the church is because my mom hated it (and rightly so...she was tortured through school) and so I was all this huge rebel when I turned 16 and started going to Mass again, which drove mom and my sister crazy, they wanted to disown me. Once I met Josh, I haven't hardly gone. He loves me a whole lot, but I only managed to talk him into going once.

    The more I hear about all the stuff the church does, it drives me crazy. I've never felt like I have to agree with everything just because I go...I'll never agree with everything from any church or religion. If they knew what my views were, they would probably ban me. It kills me that I consider myself a religion that I find so ignorant and intolerant. Yet, I feel most at peace and home when I'm at Mass...so where the hell does that leave me?

    I don't know, but I think some country music will give me all the answers! ;)

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  25. And by the way...your comment thing is really crazy. After I click on "post comment" it comes up with the letters to type to prove I'm human, but it's always at the top, so if you don't scroll down and go to look at another post, you might not realize that you have to do the typing and then the comment won't go through. Not sure if you're aware of this...just thought I would let you know (FYI).

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  26. Kate~ LMAO I just can't do country. I don't know why.

    Insomnia is the 4th Horseman of the Apocalypse, I swear. It really makes it hard to function.

    My mom actually didn't care for the Catholic church when I was growing up either, which is why we never went to church and I never had my 1st communion. She always considered herself to be Catholic though. She didn't start going back to church again until I was an adult and my children expressed interest in becoming Catholic.

    I think it's funny that you rebelled by going to Mass, most kids rebel by NOT going to church. LOL

    It's hard to reconcile what the church does with your own faith, I'm sure. If mass makes you feel peaceful and close to God I think that's awesome. My mom pretty much solved that same problem by finding a very liberal church and ignoring most of what the Pope says. LOL

    I removed the whole word verification thing. If you're still having trouble let me know. thanks!!

    Have an awesome weekend everyone!

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Ok, so I admit it, I'm a comment whore. Comments are the reason I blog. Okay, that's not entirely true. I blog to let the insanity out so my head doesn't explode, cuz that would just be messy and inconvenient. But still, I adore comments and reply to each one, though sometimes it takes me a few days to get to it. So, if you're interested in reading my comment on your comment, check back later!