Random is as Random Does: Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel

Yes, yes, ya'll it is time for Random Tuesday Thoughts once again! So check out Stacy, who is so very awesome for continuing the Random tradition while Keely is (still) on hiatus, get down with your randomness and link up!!

*So, we might have a new addition to our family. My youngest Drunken Midget, who is friend to all injured and abandoned animals, found a baby blackbird when she was at her 'father's' house. She immediately adopted it and named it Izzy (I tried to get her to name it Hekate or Morrigan, but she wasn't having it. That's ok, Izzy is cool too). I told her that she has to take it to the Humane Society tomorrow, but she's begging me to let her keep it until it can fly, and she's wearing me down. She raised a baby robin (Hedwig) one year and she taught it how to fly and everything.

*After about two hours of being home she came into my room and exclaimed, "You're not truly a mom until you've been pooped and peed on." She also keeps chanting to the cats, "Birds are friends, NOT food" because she thinks it will brainwash them into not trying to eat Izzy.

*The next animal I get, I'm naming it Lizzie, for Lizzie Borden. 

*I just love it when the gov't fucks up and then proceeds to punish me for it. Fuckers.

*This weekend I had no Midget and spent most of it on the computer. FB just sucks me in and won't let go. Then of course, there's Netflix and all the tv watching I have to make up for from not having tv for the last 3 (I think, it's really been just a blur) years.

*This weekend, I also received 3 awards. Yay! I will be posting on them soon, but probably not all at the same time.

*Furthermore, I was so bad this weekend. Just utterly naughty. Really, I should be spanked. Then dipped in honey and thrown forcefully at a bear. Not only did I buy a thing of cream cheese brownies but I also bought a 12 pack of Vault and a bag of Lays potato chips. None live to tell the tale. It's a good thing I only do that once in a blue moon or I'd be in a diabetic coma by now.


*A random pic:

Does everyone entering the city receive a free sex toy?

*Random Quote of the Day:

We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I will pick you up. After I stop laughing.

*Random Word of the Day: Bohemian

Laters!

It's Really Just a Bunch of Random Blather Cuz I'm BOARD. (You'll Get That Later)

I've been following the Circle of Mom's blog contest for moms of faith. Not Christian moms of faith, just moms of faith. I'm very disappointed and sickened, though not surprised, by the behavior of some of the Christian moms towards the Pagans in the contest. They are intolerant and bigoted, full of hatred and condemnation for the Pagan moms. They seem to forget that, among other statements of tolerance and love, the Bible says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7:1) They also seem to have forgotten that Jesus hung around with the sinners, prostitutes, drunks, and tax collectors. These women, and many other Christians, seem to take Jesus' instructions to 'love thy neighbor' as meaning, 'love thy Christian neighbor and hate, revile, and harass everyone else.' It's very sad. And, to be honest, it makes me angry. 

My favorite Facebook profile status update that I posted this week:

OMG Lays potato chips, stop jumping into my mouth and forcing me to eat you! Don't you know you're bad for me?? You fucking bastards, are you trying to kill me???

Yeah, I think I just raptured.

Not to betray my love for Christopher Eccleston or anything, but David Tennant is starting to grow on me in a big way. He's a hottie and he has fabulous hair. I may have to fight Julie for him though.

My hair has streaks of a silvery color in it, which I think is really cool, but the rest of it is a nondescript brown. I wish I could just dye the brown and not the silver. I'd dye it black cuz I think it would be totally awesome to have black and silver hair. At least when I grow older and my hair completely grays it will be a nice shiny silver instead of boring old dull gray.

Did you know that if you take the last two numbers of your birth year and add it to the age you will be this year it will equal 111? Yupp, that is true for everyone, but only this year.

Mangos are overrated. I like mango flavor in smoothies and stuff, but the fruit itself is highly overrated. However, that could be cuz I don't know how to tell if they are ripe.

Today I was semi productive and cleaned half my kitchen. Though considering that my kitchen is roughly the size of a shoebox, that might not be saying much. 

I finally found out how to prepare pomegranate seeds before eating them and now I love them. And they are so good for you, just filled with antioxidants.

There are a lot of Davids in my family. My Dad is David. My uncle's partner is David, my eldest Midget's bf is David, and my sis-in-law's brother is named David. There are also a lot of Pattis in my family. My real name is Patti (My full name is Patricia-one of these days I'll tell you how I got my name. It's hilarious. I was this close to becoming a Jennifer were it not for my grandma), my grandmother is named Patricia (Pat for short) and my aunt is named Patrice, but we call her Patty Kay. One of my other uncle's ex wife's name is also Patty. I figure if I ever get married I should marry a guy named David, cuz I think it would be funny. (Are you listening, David Tennant?)

And, just for shits and giggles:

Laters!!

Fawk You Friday-Step Back and Watch the Volcano Erupt!

Once again it is Fawk You Friday. That means I get to bitch and say Fawk You all the people/things that piss me off!! If you have something to get off your chest and you wanna participate, link up with Boobies, Babies & a Blog and My Mad Mind.

On with the show....

Fawk You to Super America who recently stopped carrying Vault soda-the sweet elixir of the Gods. Now there's only one store in my suburb that sells it and I fear that they will soon discontinue it too.

Fawk You to my cat Meadow who eats so fast that she pukes everywhere every time she eats. I am so sick of picking up your vomit (And stepping in it. There's nothing worse than cat puke between your toes!) And btw, why the hell are you so fat when you puke so much?

Fawk You to Walmart who stopped selling incense (and a whole lotta other things I used to buy there-if you didn't add so much damn food, you wouldn't have had to get rid of everything) so now I have to order it online and pay for shipping. Since you don't sell anything that I can't buy at Target (whose store is much cleaner, better organized and the employees are much, much friendlier) I just have no reason to shop there anymore.

Fawk You to my house, which steadfastly refuses to clean itself.

Fawk You to the laundry that is constantly reproducing in my closet. I hate you!

Fawk You to my checking account that never seems to have more than $1.50 in it.

Fawk You to my Loser Ex for far too many reasons to list here, but they have a lot to do with his being a self centered asshole who acts as though I should get down on my knees before him and cater to his every whim. Sorry buddy, ain't gonna happen. If I (and my family) give into his selfish expectations and demands, it is for one reason and one reason alone: MY DAUGHTER. Oh, and btw, he expects that my family continually drive her part way to meet him for HIS visitation, yet I don't see his sisters or other family members helping out. (Except for ONE time his father drove to bring her to meet my dad) And, may I remind him that it is HIS visitation and no one else's. I don't care how far away he lives. He was completely absent for 15 years he can just suck it up.

And, last but not least, a giant resounding Fawk You to all the people that tell me I'm going to hell or otherwise shit all over my religion cuz I don't share their religious beliefs. It's your hell, you burn in it!! I have no problem with different religions. I chose Wicca because it works for me, my best friend (for example) chose Christianity cuz it works for her (though she is far more liberal than any other Christian I have ever known). Our friendship works because she doesn't proselytize to me and try to cram her religion down my throat, nor does she lord it over me that she is 'saved' and I am not. Nor does she denounce or otherwise speak ill of my faith (and yes, it is a faith). We can have reasonable discussions about our different faiths without arguing or stooping to 'My God/dess can beat up your God/dess.' I have no problem with reasonable, tolerant people. I have issue with intolerant bigots who cannot accept anyone that does not believe exactly as they believe and spout their ignorant opinions every chance they get. So there! 

Wow, do I feel better!! Thanks for reading!

Laters!

My Evil Plan

So, this is my new favorite site. I played with it and created several Evil Plans, but this one is by far my favorite.

 Evil Guide Plan

Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: world domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: sadistic pleasure

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first devour a Pope. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, terrified by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two

Next, you must desecrate the Statue of Liberty. This will all be done from a fake mountain, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of the religious right hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must send forth your armies of destruction, bringing about an Unending Cacaphony of Screams. Your name shall become synonymous with slaughter, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your Mind-Boggling Insanity, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.

Thanks StumbleUpon for another entertaining but complete useless waste of time!!

Some Random Stuff on a Random Tuesday-Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel

Apparently I stepped into a wormhole last Tuesday and popped back out on the other side to today cuz the last week went by so fast I don't recall any of it. I mean, where does the time go and what the hell do I do with it cuz I have nothing to show for it. Though it has been raining a lot which renders me absolutely useless. I really hate fibromyalgia and arthritis.  

Anyhoo, today is Random Tuesday Thoughts, so link up with Stacy, our totally awesome rockin' hostess with the mostess and get your own random on! It's a riot! I promise!

*My favorite car is the 1969 Corvette Stingray. When I'm famous I'm so buying one in purple and the license plate is going to say SPACED for Spaced Girl Hero.

*On Sunday morning I watched Alice in Wonderland. It was so awesome!! My favorite line was when Johnny Depp said, "On that day, I shall futterwacken vigorously."

*I can't wait until Source Code comes out on DVD. I'm so buying it. 


*Bullet In A Bible by Green Day is so going to be my next musical purchase.


*I'm so psyched for Thor and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I've heard Pirates is so good, despite the fact that Orlando Bloom isn't in it (hottie!).

*Did you know that there are so many people that believe the world is flat that they have their own society? Yupp, it's true, they call themselves The Flat Earth Society. 


*I went shopping on Sunday with the gift card my eldest Drunken Midget gave me for Mother's Day. I bought 3 new shirts and new jammies! Booyah for new clothes!!


*After a 'tough weekend' of being 'flabbergasted' that the Rapture did not occur, Harold Camping has spent much time in prayer and is back in the public spotlight and up to his old tricks. Apparently, he was 5 months off this time (after being 17 years off with the whole 1994 fiasco) and the Judgment has been rescheduled for October 21st of this year. The sad part is that people continue to believe him. I'd say they will probably continue handing him their money but most of them have already given him their life savings so there's nothing left to give, though I'm sure that he'll convince new suckers followers to pony up the dough. 


*I totally found the best incense ever. I just love it and can't wait to order a ton of it online. It is so fragrant and smells just divine. It's called Gonesh and if you burn incense I highly recommend it. 

*Random pic I found on StumbleUpon:

Things that make you go, "Hmmmm..."

*Random quote: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


*Random word of the day: platypus


Laters!

Quivering With Rapture, Writing Mule Puke, Supernatural Hotties, and One Last Dig

Oh, he so makes me quiver in my nether regions. And note the pentacle necklace, he's Wiccan, like me! We were totally made for each other! *sigh*

Saturday night passed by, sleepless, though I did manage an hour nap mid morning on Sunday. It was a glorious nap too as I dreamed of Sully (I'm a dork, I know) and what a wondrous dream it was. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say that I experienced my own little rapture. All day yesterday I listened to Godsmack and every time I thought of my dream my heart would race and I would grin uncontrollably. (Again, I'm a dork, I know. I'm totally ok with that.) I got it bad, people. But, hey, I've been single for 5 years, I gotta get my ya-yas somehow. Besides, it works out perfectly. He's there when I want him, gone when I don't, and there's totally no risk of heartbreak.

When I wasn't fantasizing about Sully proposing to me onstage in front of thousands of people, whisking me off to a moonlit picnic or whatever, I was writing. Writing! I haven't written anything in like two months. Granted, most of what I wrote was Mule Puke and needs a lot of work, but did I mention I've been writing?!?! *cartwheels*

Speaking of which, those of you who are my Facebook friends will start seeing posts from Jane's Insane Writings on my status updates. That's me. Jane Doe is my nom de plume when I write. I have so many aliases half the time I don't know who the hell I am.

Oh, and for those of you who are not my Facebook friends but want to be (you know you wanna), you can find me here. And if you want to like the fan pages for my blogs here's Stuperhero Extraordinaire and Jane's Insane Writings. If ya do, I'll love ya forever. 8D

So I think I'm gonna give Supernatural a 2nd chance. I stopped watching it cuz it got all Biblical and shit and that totally turned me off. But, my youngest Drunken Midget loves it and keeps telling me how awesome it is so I think I'll give it another go. And, then there's my two main motivations for watching again:

Jensen Ackles, oh yes!

Jared Padalecki, oh my!

Need I say more?

I think that maybe, just possibly, I've been single too long. On second thought, nah. I'm perfectly content to lust after celebrities that will never know I exist. (But Sully shall always and forever be #1) And so what if I go through a fortune in batteries? I'm totally ok with that. Though I'm heartbroken cuz my favorite Jackrabbit is on its last legs and I'm gonna need a new one soon. Those suckers are expensive!

I'm hungry but far too lazy tired to get off my slovenly ass up and cook something. I figure I'll get motivated enough when my stomach starts digesting itself.

 And because I just can't resist I have to say this:

Harold Camping: come out, come out wherever you are! I can't wait to hear your excuse for Saturday's non rapture. I heard he's in hiding. Probably cuz of all the people who gave him their life's savings that will be demanding refunds as soon as he shows his face. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him, but again, I just can't resist. Besides, I listened to part of one of his radio shows and he's a total dickmonkey. I'm so evil, I know. But you love me anyway.

Yupp, that's me.

I <3 my evil ways.  *grins*

Laters!

Another End of the World Prediction Bites the Dust-In Your Face Harold Camping!

Well, they day has gone by without nary a tremor anywhere, and no Rapture as near as I can tell, so it seems that we are all safe. Until 2012 anyway. Phew. Though, after spending yesterday afternoon reading about this Camping guy and his beliefs my fear of the end of the world was much diminished. He's a bit of a loonytunes.

Personally, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall of the Camping headquarters when he realized that the Rapture wasn't going to happen. He'll probably just pass it off as another 'mathematical miscalculation' again and set another date like he did when the world didn't end on Sept. 6, 1994 like he predicted. Though I do feel bad for those people that abandoned their families and spent their life savings to go on the road to spread the news of the end. Wait, no I don't.

I love being clean but I loathe having to shower. Can't somebody just coat me in Teflon?

They should find a way to make fabric Teflon. If our clothes were made of Teflon we'd never have to do laundry. That would be so sweet.

Please tell me why my
car is in the front yard and
I'm sleeping with my clothes on.
I came in through the window
last night and you're gone.
Gone.
It's no surprise to me
I am my own worst enemy.
Cuz every now and then
I kick the living shit out of me.
Can we forget about the things I said
when I was drunk
I didn't mean to call you that.

Those are some of the lyrics to one of my fave songs. 'My Own Worst Enemy' by Lit.

At the moment I am procrastinating. I know, nothing new right? At least I'm consistent in my avoidance. My kitchen is currently mocking me for my laziness, the laundry is reproducing like bunnies as usual with each succeeding generation smelling exceedingly more noxious than the last, and my room is such a mess it's been declared an official disaster zone by the White House. Don't even get me started on my bathroom. Goddess only knows what's breeding in there.

But, it's cloudy and rainy and that makes me lazy. And sore. And tired.

The other day we went to Half Price books and I bought a few books that look really good. I got Witchcraft an Alternative Path, Goddess in my Pocket and The Real Witches' Handbook. The Real Witches' Handbook is a little rudimentary, but I like some of the Sabbat rituals she has in there. 

I keep getting emails from AARP and seniors dating sites. First the lady at Goodwill asked me if I qualified for their senior discount and now this. Again, I' m 38 people! WTF??

I love books. Though I haven't been reading much lately. I started The Eye of the World but I'm having trouble getting into it. I might give up and read The Lost Symbol. I never have trouble getting into Dan Brown's books. But first I'll have to tear myself away from the computer if I ever plan to get any reading done!


Laters!

Apocalypse Anxiety-Don't Judge Me!

If you can't read this you have been raptured. 

Apocalypse 2011Update: Apparently when I heard 6 p.m. that was the time it will be in New Zealand where the first earthquake will supposedly happen. That would be 1 a.m. CST.

I'm skipping Fawk You Friday to bring you this special Apocalypse Post. If I survive the end of the world, I'll be back with all my Fawk You's next week. 

Ok, so is everyone ready for the end of the world? I heard that it's ending at 6 p.m. on Saturday. Did everyone else hear 6 too? Just wondering. I wouldn't want to be late for the Apocalypse.

So, I would be a liar, liar, pants on fire if I said I wasn't terrified a little nervous about this whole world ending thing. I mean, if the Rapture does come, I'm very obviously getting 'left behind,' being an evil heathen and all. I could accept Jesus as my savior (again) but I think that would be hypocritical considering that if the world doesn't end I'd go right back to worshiping the Goddess.


Logically speaking, I really don't think it's going to end. I mean, how many times has some religious nutjob predicted the end of the world? Far too many. But, you just never know. Maybe this particular nutjob has a direct line to Jesus, who gave him a friendly heads up.

Billie Joe Armstrong

Zombie Billie Joe Armstrong?

And, as I asked on my other blog in my Pre-Apocalyptic post, will there be zombies? You can read all about my Zombie Apocalypse preparedness there. What are you waiting for? Go on. Read it. I'll wait.

*Jeopardy tune plays softly*

Ok, now that you've done that, back to my Apocalypse anxiety.

Do you know that there is not an actual psychological term for fear of the Apocalypse? From what I've read, fear of death (thanatophobia) is the nearest term there is. Go figure.

My eldest Drunken Midget has inherited my fear of the Apocalypse and I spent part of last night trying to comfort her. She is spending Saturday with her dad, and let me tell you, if the world ends and I don't get to see her beforehand cuz she was with him, I'm so going to haunt his ass. Or if I get turned into a zombie, he will be the first person I eat. There's actually a lot of people I'd like to eat if I ever get turned into a zombie. Like the woman at Goodwill who asked me if I qualify for their senior citizen's discount (WTF?? I'm 38 for fuck's sake!). I really should make a list.

I'll be a child left behind. :(

Anyhoo, so yeah, a little panicked about the Rapture. I used to be a Christian and I've been baptized twice (Once as a baby into the Catholic Church and once as an adult into a born-again Christian church), do you think that will get me raptured despite the fact that I've been a heathen since 2005? I mean don't all those years of 3 hour a day  Bible study sessions count for something? (Yes, I used to read my Bible for 3 hours a day. I knew that book inside and out. I also went to Church 3 days a week. I was a fanatic. Don't judge me.)

If the world does end I'm gonna be righteously kinda pissed. I mean, really, I'm only 38 and now I have to live through hell on earth before being jettisoned into hell itself? Can't God at least wait until I'm in my 80s and riddled with dementia so that I have no clue as to what's going on? Work with me here, dude!!

All right, well, I'm outta here for now. Maybe forever. (Unless they have wifi in hell) I'm going to try and be Zen about the whole Apocalypse thing. If it happens, it happens. There's nothing I can do to stop it. And if there's zombies I know I'll fail the #1 Rule of Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness: Cardio. I'm so out of shape I could never outrun a zombie so no matter what happens, I'll pretty much just taste delicious. 
 
Laters! 
(I hope)

I Think That's My Brain Oozing Out of My Ears

Lately I have not been posting as much as usual. Usually I post 6 days a week and now I'm down to about three. This is mostly cuz my brain has been tired and petulantly refusing to come up with ideas. But I've also been depressed, which always pops a giant hole in my creative bubble. My poetry writing has suffered as well and I've only written one poem in the last couple months. It's maddening.

Some day I want to have a house. And in that house I want to have a library. In that library I want to have a secret passage behind the bookshelves with a spiral staircase that leads up to a hidden attic that is all windows. Doesn't that sound cool?

It's been a while since I posted some Anti-Twilight love, so here ya go:

I miss being able to shop at Lakewinds, the natural food store by me. They have such awesome stuff. And their produce lasts for like ever. I still shop there to buy essential oils for spells and bulk herbs for spells and making incense, but that's all I can afford to buy there. It's so expensive. I really miss eating all organic. My body feels toxic. It might be time for some dandelion tea.

My cat, Dakota, is totally crazy for marshmallows. Whenever I grab the bag from the cupboard he goes fucking nuts until I give him some. If I forget and leave the bag out he'll chew through it and eat them until he pukes. What a weird cat.

So, I almost got arrested at Wal Mart the other day. See, I carry a few, ok 20, CDs in my purse to listen to in the car. On my way out of Wal Mart I set off the security thingy. The guy guarding the door (I use the term 'guarding' loosely since he looked to be about 150,000 yo and probably has many fond memories of the cretaceous period) stopped me and all went through my purse and I had to explain that they were my CDs and I didn't steal them. He was dubious at first but luckily they were all pretty beaten up so it was obvious that they weren't stolen. Thank Goddess. I'm too pretty for jail.

A little less tongue please...

And here's a little political comic that I thought was pretty funny.

The other day I brought my car in for an oil change. It cost $50. And that was with a $10 off coupon. WTF? When did oil changes get so damn expensive?


Ok, that's all I could squeeze from  my brain today.

Laters!

I Am Random, Therefore I Am-Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel

Well slap me twice and call me Sally. Is it really Tuesday again? Already? WTF? Where did the week go? I think I slept through most of it. Seriously, the days I didn't have doctor's appointments I slept until the early afternoon and most nights still went to bed by 9 p.m. The weather has been killing my fibromyalgia and arthritis. Between the pain and the exhaustion I get nothing done. Luckily for me my youngest Midget has been staying with my parents (cuz apparently I'm still the Wicked Witch of the Midwest) and there hasn't been much to do.

So, you know the drill. But if you don't it goes a little something like this. Stacy's. Badge. Random. So what are you waiting for? Oh yeah, you're gonna read this post first. Ok then, let us get on with it.

We are so not amused!

*I've always wanted to talk in the 'Royal We' just for a day to fuck with people. Same thing with talking about myself in the third person.

*A confession: When I first heard the latest Godsmack album The Oracle I didn't care for it. (*gasp* No! Surely not! Raven not liking something by Godsmack? Surely the world is about to come to a violent, fiery end!) But, the more I listened to it the more I liked it and now I love it as much as all their others. Though I'm pissed cuz for some reason my copy doesn't have 'Whiskey Hangover' on it so I had to buy it from iTunes.

*In my last post I mentioned my Midget saying that she really wanted to see penguins having sex. Well, Cinful Cinnamon (I'm sorry I can't find your blog to link to you, it's not on your profile) was kind enough to watch some vids on YouTube of penguins having sex and sent one to me for my Midget. LMAO You so rock, Cinful Cinnamon! My Midget was tickled!.

*Then, of course, after watching the penguins have sex she had to look up other animals and watched giraffes, elephants, and a few others. When watching the elephant one she cried out, "OMG it can move its penis around like its trunk!" She's a strange child, I know. But did you expect any different seeing as how she is the fruit of my womb?

*Today is the Full Moon! Can't you just feel the energy? Hoooooooooowl!!

*I found a new pic of Sully Erna on Google that I don't already have saved on my computer. It totally made my day. :D

Isn't he just the nummiest thing since cheesecake?? *swoons*

* 

     *heart races*      *drools*


       .............Ok, now we can move on now that I've had my momentary fill of Sully. *sigh*

*I finally, finally found a lilac scented candle at Michael's craft store. And my besty found me one too, so soon I'll have two. Yay! I love he smell of lilacs. I think I actually even like it more than lavender.

*And here's my apology to the maker of Febreeze candles. Now that my nose has somewhat cleared up I can really smell your candles when I burn them. Sorry for dissing you in my earlier post. Please don't order the Candle Gods to rain fire upon me for it.

*Purple is my fave color. Then after that, black.

*Last night I performed The Rite of Her Sacred Fires in honor of the Goddess Hekate. It was a beautiful, uplifting, energizing ritual that moved me to tears. It felt so good to connect with my spiritual side again. 

*My Inner Cheerleading Squad has come down with the insidious illness that has plagued me for so long thus their cheers have quieted and their purple and black pom poms sit idle. As a result my self esteem plummeted to the point where I actually considered hitting the self-help section of the bookstore. But then my Inner Bitch chimed in and told me that that was a stupid idea cuz I'm just so awesome and it was all good.

*Say what?

*Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy being weird? I enjoy it almost as much as I enjoy being random.

*Eggplant

Is that random enough for ya?

Laters!

P.S. I totally have not been answering comments lately. Don't hate me. I know, I'm so lame. I'll get back on track with it soon, mmkay?

Someone Really Wants to See Penguins Having Sex

It's been a very...rage-filled few days and I was feeling rather homicidal. My computer was being agonizingly slow, to the point where I could hardly Facebook, blog, reply to comments or read blogs cuz it took anywhere from 5-10 minutes to load each web page. OMG I was soooo homicidal and ready to kill the next person that even breathed in my direction. And Netflix was taking forever to load and then kept stopping during each episode of Doctor Who to reload; I thought I was going to lose my fucking mind. But, I fixed it, cuz I just happen to totally rock. Actually it wasn't my computer it was my internet connection so I fixed that and then I was back in business. But then Blogger was down for a while, so that was a bitch. So, as I am Midgetless all weekend I plan to catch up on my blog reading then.

I don't know what it is, but he really does something for me.

Speaking of Doctor Who, I'm so totally bummed cuz for the 2nd season Christopher Eccleston isn't coming back. I so loved him, he was just awesome. A total riot. So full of energy and enthusiasm. And quite the cutie too. *sigh* I'm gonna miss him. But, I'll persevere cuz it's such a fantabulous show. I haven't seen anything this good since The X-Files. It's my fave show.

So, I discovered something new recently. Evil Hello Kitty and Zombie Hello Kitty. Totally awesome dudes.

She's bad, you know it!

Zombie Hello Kitty rocks!

So yeah, totally loving that!

So my youngest Drunken Midget and I were in the car today and we were talking about penguins. It started out innocently enough as she was telling me how it's the father penguin that keeps the eggs or babies warm and takes care of them. And we joked about how the mama penguin must just sit around hogging the remote with her hand down her pants ordering papa penguin to make her a sandwich. Then, it catapulted into strange and bizarre, not to mention dirty, pretty quickly after that when she asked me where a penguin's penis is. When I said I didn't know she said, 'I really need to see penguins having sex.' LMAO Ok then. Then, she mentioned something about her and her bf having an inside joke about dog porn. Thank Goddess she left it at that cuz I just really didn't want to know. I think I may have warped her more than I intended.

And now I bring you: Excuses to Abuse the People Who are in the Car With You.

Remember that old game, Slug Bug, where you got to slug a person every time you saw a Volkswagon Beetle? Well, they still have that game, but it has improved and expanded. It goes a little something like this, every time you see these cars you get to hit someone:

Banana~ A Yellow Car

Slug Bug~ A Beetle. Hit them twice if it's a Banana Beetle.

Cruiser Bruiser~ PT Cruiser

Cadillac Whack~ Self explanatory

Ford Probe~ You don't get to hit them, but you get to do something even better-give them a Wet Willy!

My Midgets beat the hell out of each other playing this game in the car.

K I'm off to watch some Godsmack vids spend some quality time with Sully.

Laters!

And the Award Goes to...Me!!

Yes, I'm finally posting on my awards! I received 2! One from Shay at Shay's Word Garden, The Stylish Blogger Award:

And I got an award from allstarme at Incognitus Scriptor, the Versatile Blogger Award:

Thank you both so much!! You are so awesome. And I'm totally not just saying that cuz you gave me an award, you really do rock!!

Since both awards call for me to spill 7 things about myself I'm going to cheat combine them and steal from Shay and spill several categories of 7 things about me. (Shay did 7 categories of 7 things, but I can't think of that many, and, still sick, so...)

General Things About Me

1. I'm terrified of spiders, sharks, and fire. I'm convinced that this has to do with my past lives. I'm pretty sure I was burned as a Witch at some point, and was lost at sea and eaten by a shark in another life. Maybe I was on the Titanic? I mean, fear of sharks? I don't even live by the ocean, so what's that about unless it has something to do with a past life, right? (Just say, 'right.') I mean, I can't even look at a picture of a shark, it freaks me out so much. 

2. When I was a wee little lass (back in the Stone Age before iPods, cell phones, and Netflix) I wanted to be a waitress. Then when I hit Jr. High I decided I wanted to be a writer. That's still what I want to be someday when I grow up.

3. I can still remember when I heard my first Godsmack song. Place, season, time of day, what I was doing, everything. I was driving down Prairie Center Drive one afternoon in late Spring/early Summer and I was listening to 93X on the radio and I heard 'Re-Align.' I was instantly in love.

4. I loathe the taste of tomatoes but if I order food sans tomatoes I miss the color. Food just looks so bland without them.

5. I can read Tarot cards (don't ask me for a reading, I haven't improved enough to read for others yet). Granted, it's a pretty easy skill that anybody can pick up, but not everybody does, so I thought I'd add it. I actually have several divination tools, including a Rider-Waite deck, a Zen deck, Runes, a Goddess Oracle (it uses these colored dice and cards), a rose quartz crystal pendulum, and a couple more I can't recall at the moment.

Excuse me whilst I momentarily meander onto a related tangent: Contrary to popular belief Tarot cards don't necessarily predict a fixed and fated future, for there really is no such thing. Our choices and actions are constantly shaping our future. But, the cards can offer wisdom as to the path you are on and where it will lead you, etc.

6. My fave foods are Thai, Chinese, Italian and Mexican. I like some Indian (Chicken Shahi Korma and naan bread) but not a lot.

7. Romantic movies make me vomit in my mouth a little. If people don't get shot or some shit don't get blown up I have no time for it.

My 7 Favorite Bands:

1. Godsmack (of course)

2. Green Day

3. Mudvayne

4. The Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. Static-X

6. Marilyn Manson

7. Rob Zombie


My 7 Favorite Authors

1. Kim Harrison

2. Dorothy Parker

3. Jack Kornfield (an American Buddhist author)

4. The Dalia Lama

5. Margaret Atwood

6. Silver RavenWolf (she writes books on Witchcraft)

7. Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

7 Things for Which I'm Grateful

1. My children

2. My friends and family

3. My bloggy friends-you rock!

4. My iPod-I'd die without it!!

5. My Netbook-ditto

6. My car

7. Rainy days and summer thunderstorms

Now I'm supposed to gift these awards to other people, but I'm tired and lazy I always have such a hard time picking people, so if you read my blog, consider yourself gifted if you so choose!! You are all worthy of an award!!

Laters!

Knowledge is Power. Don't Ya Wanna Feel Powerful??*

Rah! Rah! Rah! Three cheers for Random Tuesday Thoughts! And three more for Stacy, our gracious host! Rah! Rah! Rah! *wildly waves purple and black pom poms while doing cartwheels* Ok, so I'm not doing cartwheels since I'm (still) sick and my pom pom waves are a little half-hearted, but the sentiment is there.

So, you know the drill: Stacy's. Badge. Random. But only after you read this post or I'll cough and sneeze all over you and you'll be sick for 2 weeks.

*So yeah, I think I need stronger antibiotics. *cough* *wheeze*

*I am so sick of buying scented candles that don't smell when you burn them. The Air Wick ones suck. So do the Febreeze ones. Of course, I can't smell much of anything right now so you might want to check back after I'm better when I possibly issue apologies to the companies that make those candles.

*I hate it that, even though I'm sick, my Drunken Midget still expects me to do everything for her, including driving her all over creation. And back again.

*It really tickled my titties the other day when my Midget was on the phone with her 'father' and she was all talking to him like he was an idiot (which he is, but still) and in my head I was singing, "Hallelujah! Welcome to my world!" I guess the honeymoon is over. LMAO

*Speaking of singing: I can't carry a tune. Not even if it's velcroed to my left hip. When I sing people and animals from miles around run screaming with blood streaming from their ears. Not that that stops me. I still sing. Frequently. And loudly. And I often make up my own lyrics.

*So when my youngest Midget gives me a dirty look she calls it her 'Dagger Eyes' cuz she's throwing daggers at me with her eyes, apparently.

*Someday I will be famous...unfortunately it will probably be after I die. Or commit some heinous crime that I won't even allude to here lest it give any prosecutor future evidence to use against me in the trial.

*I think there's a duck in my chest. And it's dying a horrendous and painful death.

*Recently I signed up for Netflix again, but just the cheap one where you only get it streaming on your computer. That's ok though. I love it. I'm now addicted to Doctor Who. I love that show!!! And Dead Like Me is pretty damn good too. Thank you to whoever recommended that. (Sorry I don't remember who that was.)

*And, I haven't forgotten about my awards, forgive me for not posting on them yet but I've just been feeling so shitty. I'm hoping to get to them this week sometime. Thanks again!

*Today's title brought to you by 'Psych'

The Plague That Would Not Die

Yes, I'm still alive. No, I'm not better yet. I felt a little better after starting the antibiotics but that was it. I'm still mostly stuck in bed (except for driving the Drunken Midget around) and I'm still behind on everything, including my blog reading. I feel so out of the loop! But I just can't concentrate right now. I'm going to try to read a few in a minute here, but I can't promise anything. So, if everyone could just stop posting until I recover that would be great, mmmkay?

And, since I have nothing else entertaining to offer, here's some funny shit I found on the internet. Don't ask me where, cuz I don't know, they've been on my puter forever. 

And with that, I'm outta here!

Laters!

A Quick Update

I'm still sick, though no longer at death's door since I started the antibiotics yesterday. I'm hoping to be back to posting and reading this weekend at the latest. Thanks for all the well-wishes! I've so missed you all and can't wait to catch up!

Until then, here's a new song I discovered that totally fits my week cuz I haven't done a damn thing.



*hugs*

Raven

Clawing My Way Out of Bed Just to Get Down With the Randomization-Random Tuesday Thoughts

Is it really Tuesday again? Already? Has Keely really been on hiatus for 6 weeks? It seems like just yesterday. But then, so does 1991. With every passing year time seems to fly by that much more quickly. 

Anyhoo, Stacy is our reigning Queen of Randomness (and she's doing a smashing job), until Keely rises up to wrestle the crown away from her (though I don't think Stacy will put up much of a fight.) So, head over to Stacy's, read her blog, comment, grab a badge, and randomize yourself already!


*Once again I'm so behind on my blog reading. I'm sorry everyone! I've been dying of the plague so sick. But I'm hoping to catch up with you all today.

*Scented candles+NyQuil+Green Day=Bliss


*Has everybody in the Twin Cities area with a driver's license been drinking Stupid Juice?


*If you don't laugh your balls off at this either A) You don't have balls or 2) You have no sense of humor. 


*The damn parakeet just laid another egg. When is she going to learn that unless she gets laid they won't hatch?


*Wendy's has new french fries. With sea salt. They are luscious potato-y goodness. So much better than their old, soggy, nasty-ass french fries.


*On an atheist's tombstone: All dressed up and nowhere to go. 


*My 15 yo Midget at dinner on Friday: This steak is an orgasm in my mouth!


*Why is it so hard to find black candles? What, black candles=Satan?


*Also, I cannot find lilac-scented candles anywhere. WTF?


*Written on the back of a truck for Closure Construction: We may not be the best, but we're the most expensive.

*You know insomnia has beaten you bloody with a brick when not even NyQuil knocks you out. 


*And, on a serious note: Why are people celebrating? Has the 'war on terror' suddenly ended? Are we pulling our troops out of Afghanistan? Did we pull them out of Iraq after we got Saddam? When there is peace, I will rejoice. 

Laters!

Death Lurks Beyond the Horizon-Or Something Like That

*cough* *hack* *wheeze* *gasp* *gurgle* *COUGH* *gag* *furball*

OMG I'm so dying. Ok, I'm not, but it feels like I am. I either have an ear infection, bronchitis, a sinus infection, strep throat, or all of the above. I'll hopefully be back soon with a better post. If I don't die first. (overdramatic much?)